The STAR Method: Healing Others with Therapeutic Touch

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The STAR Method (Module 2): Healing Others with Therapeutic Touch

Now available as an eBook on Amazon!

“Healing is the fruit of love. A healer must learn to love everyone, including oneself,” said Grandfather Jaguar.

For the past five years, I have lived in Belize, Guatemala, and Mexico—the heart of Mayan culture and civilization. Within the past year I moved to a mountainous region in southern Mexico, where I met Grandfather Jaguar, a Mayan shaman, certified naturopathic doctor, and “curandero” (traditional healer). He invited me to be his apprentice and offered to teach me the Mayan healing techniques and teachings.

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Since I have accepted my apprenticeship, I have dedicated myself to a process of self-healing and profound spiritual growth that feels both overwhelming and exhilarating. I have learned that self-healing can be a process of growth and discovery that requires time, dedication, and courage. I think that we should not be alone in this process: We need each other. Everyone can learn how to heal others.

“We need to learn how to heal ourselves without modern medicine,” Grandfather told me. “In the future humanity will go through a lot of suffering during a long period of purification. Modern technology cannot save us. We need something much simpler—healing with the hands—the most basic, simple form of healing.”

Module 2 of The STAR Method teaches how to heal others with therapeutic touch using a simple sequence of thirty hand positions. Each hand position has a connection to the body’s subtle energy system, also known as “chakras” (energy centers). The STAR Method is designed to result in a variety of physiological benefits.

“The STAR Method is something I have been waiting for,” Grandfather told me one day when I visited him in his ancestral home, where he likes to sit in his favorite rocking chair next to a bougainvillea bush, wearing a straw hat. When we visit, I am treated like his daughter, as he shares stories of his youth and apprenticeship with a Mayan elder in the jungles of Mexico.

“Healing with the hands has been used for millennia by many traditions around the world,” Grandfather taught me, “The STAR Method has its roots in many ancient traditions: Oriental, Hindu, Greek, North American, and Mayan. The STAR Method is based on techniques that we use in the Mayan healing tradition.”

Years before meeting Grandfather in Mexico, I created The STAR Method as a technique for stress management early in my career as an educator and consultant in private and public schools in the U.S. The STAR Method was originally published as an article in a peer-reviewed journal for educators. Throughout my career, I have found that children and adults benefit from the application of therapeutic touch—the application of the hands on the body to promote health and well-being—on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level.

Scientific studies show that therapeutic touch can benefit patients who are diagnosed with many different many chronic diseases and medical conditions, including heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes, obesity, and arthritis. Clients who have received a full treatment with The STAR Method share positive feedback:

“For 21 days I have applied The STAR Method, and my life has undergone a stunning transformation. The technique has taught me to discover within the depths of my being that which I cannot find anywhere else: Complete self-acceptance and utmost gratitude.” –Documentary Filmmaker, Monterrey, Mexico

The STAR Method goes beyond stress reduction and relaxation. The STAR Method is a tool for personal achievement, designed to support the process of healing and self-transformation. The STAR Method is a practical, complete system for self-healing, developing self-awareness, transforming the body and mind, and self-realization of one’s unique mission on Earth—the fulfillment of one’s highest potential.

Radical reform: How and why I created The STAR Method

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I vividly remember the day one of my first-grade students, a boy diagnosed with childhood depression, came into my classroom with a sullen expression and announced, “I hate school.”

I empathized with his feelings.

After a decade of teaching in a variety of settings, I had realized that schools were highly stressful places. Outcomes that were measurable by filling in bubbles and marking checkboxes seemed to be paramount to everyone’s health and happiness.

I had learned, with a sense of despair, that the education system was failing our children.

As a full-time special education classroom teacher and consultant in public and private schools across the US, I have taught in a variety of settings to students of all ages who are diagnosed with moderate to severe developmental disabilities and learning disabilities; including autism, dyslexia, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD). I hold a Master of Arts in Education with a specialization in Special Education. My jobs in Special Education have been demanding and, at times, exhausting.

One of the most notable features of participating in the education system was the high degree of stress that I observed in my colleagues and students. Teachers came to work frazzled, fatigued, and bogged down with endless paperwork. Students exhibited stress, anxiety, frequently came down with colds and other sicknesses, and held negative attitudes towards learning in general.

I developed my own routine for staying healthy, fit, and energized while holding down a challenging full-time job. By the time I started working in Special Education, I had already become a Certified Massage Therapist and Yoga Teacher. I continued to study and practice a variety of holistic modalities and techniques extensively. I was determined to use the tools I had learned to maintain my own health and wellness and manage job-related stress.

I would wake up by 4:00 AM every morning before school to do my morning exercises: meditation, yoga, deep breathing, jogging, swimming…. By the time I arrived to work at 7:45 AM, I had sweated my butt off, expanded my lung capacity, and found my inner peace for the day.

As I personally witnessed how my students were detrimentally impacted by high levels of stress, I started to use proven, therapeutic techniques with them in the classroom. As a Certified Massage Therapist and Yoga Teacher, I found practical ways to integrate my background in health and healing into my teaching curriculum. To help my students relax and concentrate better, I taught them simple breathing exercises and physical movements that were proven to improve academic performance. I offered yoga classes to my colleagues after school in the multipurpose room. I received encouraging, positive feedback and support from my school administration.

The STAR Method began to take shape as I applied practical stress management techniques in my own classroom and leveraged my Master’s degree studies to dig deeper into the current research. I discovered very little educational policy and scholarly research to support stress management training for teachers. Yet, my own anecdotal experience in the schools clearly indicated that job-related stress was a problem for teachers and administrators. The STAR Method was born out of what I consider to be a largely ignored aspect of educational policy: Our schools should not be stressful places.

Teachers are required to manage their students’ behavior through approved behavioral interventions and techniques, but are students learning how to manage their own behavior? Are teachers being trained to effectively manage their own stress, so that our children are spending most of their day with peaceful, calm, balanced, healthy adults who can mentor them properly?

With the expert guidance of my graduate degree advisor and co-author, I published my first article about The STAR Method in 2006 in a peer-reviewed online journal, Teaching Exceptional Children, entitled “Stress Management for Special Educators: The Self-Administered Tool for Awareness and Relaxation (STAR). I originally published The STAR Method as a program to help schoolteachers manage stress, prevent job burnout, and increase self-awareness of the impact of stress in their professional lives.

I used The STAR Method in my classroom and offered training workshops to other teachers and professionals within the education system. I endeavored to share the tools and techniques of The STAR Method on a regular basis with my students and colleagues. During this time, I became enthralled with the idea that all schools should have quiet rooms for meditation and ample, clutter-free spaces in which students and teachers could learn stress management techniques, like yoga and therapeutic touch.

But I knew that this wasn’t enough.

There was something missing.

For years, I couldn’t figure out the missing piece; regardless, I kept on trying to help.

One of my jobs was in a public school as a specialist for preschool children with multiple disabilities, including autism. Many of my students exhibited severe behavioral problems; for example, when they were upset, they would frequently hit, scratch, and bite themselves or other students. As a Special Education Teacher, my school district required me be certified in “Physical Restraint Training” so that I could learn how to properly restrain my behaviorally challenged students before they injured themselves or someone else.

At the time, it seemed like a good idea to me: I wanted to be sure that my students were safe in my classroom. But on the first day of training, I was horrified.

I learned that these techniques were adapted from those used in psychiatric wards and high-security prisons.

In the most severe cases, I would be required to follow an exact procedure that involved me and at least one other fully grown adult holding my preschoolers’ tiny bodies face-down on the floor with their hands restrained behind their backs. As stated in the training manual, I would be required to hold my students in this position for as long as it took to calm them down.

I thought to myself, “Holding a child face-down on the ground and pinning their hands behind their backs is supposed to calm them down?”

To me, it seemed like a humiliating, disempowering, brutal, and potentially harmful thing to do to any child, especially to a tiny preschooler. I later learned from further research that “Physical Restraint Training” is currently required by law for schools nationwide as an approved method of behavior intervention.

The instructor of the training session that I attended was a portly, middle-aged man who had used the restraint technique numerous times on emotionally disturbed high school boys. I approached him and asked, “So, let me get this straight. You’re telling me that I am supposed to flip my preschool kids onto their faces, pin them to the ground—the same exact way you do with your fully grown, adult students—and the goal of this technique is to calm them down?”

He replied curtly, “Yep.”

I excused myself from the training session and made a phone call to the supervisor of the Special Education Department in my school district.

“I don’t agree with this approach,” I said, “I refuse to treat my students this way, under any circumstances.”

“But—you are required to be certified in ‘Physical Restraint Training’. You have to comply with this district’s policies,” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“If you don’t complete the training, then you will be held personally liable for any injuries that happen in your classroom…. This school district will not be held responsible,” my supervisor told me.

This was the galvanizing moment: I realized that our education system had failed our children.

I realized that the modern-day education system was frantically busy trying to force round pegs (our kids) into square holes.

The next day, I signed my resignation letter and quit my teaching job.

I had reached a point of no return. I was unwilling to compromise my integrity in order to keep my foot in the door of a stable job that required me to harm children. I emancipated myself and walked off the plantation. I was completely checking out of what I now believe to be a failed system. I walked away and started investing my time and energy into something new and different. But I wasn’t giving up: I was preparing to follow a higher calling.

I radically transformed my life over the course of the next few years. I used The STAR Method every day and recorded notes in my journals about how the exercises were impacting my life. I expanded my vision for The STAR Method to include more tools and techniques. I practiced, developed, and refined a series of physical exercises and meditation exercises to include in The STAR Method.

I designed and completed a wellness retreat in which I maintained a vow of silence for one year. During this retreat, I meditated daily. I reflected on my halcyon days as a graduate student and first-year teacher, when my naive optimism led me to believe that modern-day schools were places where children could go to learn how to be healthy, happy, peaceful, and self-empowered.

One day, I had an epiphany.

I realized that I couldn’t change a failed system from within the failed system.

I realized that I had to create an entirely new system: A radical reform.

The STAR Method that you now hold in your hands is the first instantiation of this new system. I have since written and published my vision for a holistic, experiential learning environment called The Farm School, located in a rural setting where children can learn how to be healthy and thrive in a self-sustaining community.

I moved to Central America, where I write, teach, travel, and offer seminars.

I am fascinated by the potential for a cultural revolution. By “revolution,” I am not referring to a violent one with torches and mobs of angry people. What I am proposing is a peaceful, quiet revolution—a subtle, yet powerful one—enacted from within our own hearts and minds.

A transformation from within must find its expression in the outer world.

Indeed, I believe that a cultural revolution is imminent. I believe that we are ready for something radically new.

I believe that radical reform is the only thing that can change the course of humanity, now standing at a crossroads between two radically different worldviews.

Now, I wonder: Which path will you choose?

The STAR Method: How to Heal Using Therapeutic Touch is now available on Amazon. Click here to download the ebook onto your Kindle reader.

Healing the past by focusing on the present

youth-summit-lg (1)In this Life Reading, a client asked the following question:  My partner and I are currently separated. What does the future hold for me?

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading: Since you sent this request for a Life Reading, you have come to grips with many aspects of your previous relationship. You have struggled with the pain of realizing how you compromised your integrity, wellbeing and happiness while maintaining an unhealthy relationship that drained you of energy and resources.

Now that you’ve realized this, you wonder how you can have a good, healthy relationship. Do not be hard on yourself for what happened with your previous partner. A new relationship is imminent for you, as you are now doing the hard work of reconciling your past and opening your heart to a new partner.

Nothing has been lost. The lessons you learned will serve you as you forge ahead with a new love relationship, informed by the failures and successes of your previous partnership. The focus now should be on yourself and how you can achieve the highest state of contentment, wellbeing, and integrity for yourself.

Reconcile the pain of the past not through regret and shame, but by focusing your life force energy on the present – on making the present be the best and most fulfilling it can be.

Let’s start with your job: Are you feeling stifled, stuck, dissatisfied? Consider a career change. This will require a bold step for you – taking action that you’ve been avoiding, since your energy was consumed by your previous relationship. Now that you have aligned your energy to focus on yourself, you are ready to take the step of finding fulfillment in your professional life.

You seek a greater degree of self-expression, creativity, and application of your keen, exacting intelligence, which your current job does not offer you. This has led to an overall lack of self-esteem, as you have been forced by the nature of your job to follow a set of inane, uninteresting procedures that go against your personal beliefs and convictions about how the same results could be obtained through a much more efficient, less time-consuming, and more conscious way. The overall feeling of boredom, lack of initiative, and discontentedness you’ve been struggling with comes largely from the dynamic that arises daily in your job, where you are obliged to sacrifice your intelligence in exchange for following strict procedures.

Be assured that your unique gifts, talents and abilities are destined to find their expression in a much more fulfilling professional position. You must be prepared to enroll in a series of courses to qualify you for the work that you’ve always wanted to do, but heretofore have been unable to apply enough focus and willpower to achieve.

You can and will succeed in the career of your choice. Now is a good time to take the necessary steps to becoming better qualified professionally. Be cautious about giving notice at your current job too early. The financial security it offers you will serve you as you invest in your continuing education. The drudgery you’ve been feeling about your job will be replaced by a sense of excitement and anticipation as you attend classes and refocus your attention on doing something that you really want to do.

Your career aspirations were inspired during your childhood by an adult mentor in your life whom you admired. Recall this person, and if you can get in contact, you are encouraged to ask for advice and insight. Mostly, it will help you to remember the qualities and achievements that you admired about this person. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • What inspired me about this person?
  • Why did I admire him or her?
  • What do I have in common with this person?

Can I now see myself being in the same role, and accomplishing similar things as this individual? Why? What do I have to do to achieve this?

Your new partnership will emerge as you take the next steps, as you will be finding yourself in the company of new people in environments where you would not otherwise go, were it not for your newfound focus on self-improvement and personal fulfillment.

Consider a new, trendy wardrobe that will help you “feel” more a part of your new circle of social connections and professional colleagues. Let your wardrobe be an external expression of your new career focus and success. Clothing can be a powerful manner of self-expression and reveals the way one wishes to “show up” in the world.

A lot of hard work awaits you, especially over the course of the next year. You will succeed. Whenever you feel discouraged, you should turn to a loving family member who supports you emotionally and can offer useful advice and encouragement.

There may come a point where you feel that you have fully “moved on” from your previous partner, but this person will not. You may be pressured to re-enter into the relationship. Be well advised that this would be an unnecessary distraction for you, and it would require you to shift your focus to such a degree, that you may be taken off course from your truly desired goals and aspirations.

You will have to be strong and overcome the obstacle of denying yourself what you want in order to provide for someone else. As a new identity emerges for you, the people you’ve been close to (including your former partner) will expect you to keep showing up the way you had before. It will take inner strength and determination to forge ahead with your new plans and goals. Write them down. Hang them up on a wall where you can see them every day. Do not let yourself be distracted or pressured into giving up on yourself.

It will serve you well to establish a new network of friends as you begin to make some changes in your life. Choose people your age and gender who are focused on similar goals. Spend free time with them and get to know them. Your new social circle will become increasingly important to you as you come closer and closer to achieving your lifelong dream.

Remember: let the focus shift from your past to your present, where all the potential for happiness and success can be found, waiting for you to realize.

-End of Life Reading-

I wish you blessings of happiness, success and fulfillment. Thank you for writing. —Parama

Selfless service as a path to personal success and happiness

working-together-as-a-team-group_people1In this Life Reading, a client asked the following questions: 

  • I’d love to meet my soulmate/life partner. What do I need to do to make this happen?
  • I’d like to be successful in obtaining a job. What is it that I’m doing or not doing to make this happen?
  • I need to know at this point in my life where I am now in 2014 regarding my spirituality.

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading: It appears that you have neglected to properly attend to your home altar, an important observance that deserves daily care and attention. Take time to clean and refresh your altar space, filling it with auspicious, inspiring images and objects that uplift you and refocus your spiritual life. One important element to include is a spiritual text that contains scripture. You should read a passage daily and meditate on its meaning. This could be a text that you already own or could obtain locally. Be sure to choose a text that you will be motivated to read and reflect upon daily.

Is there someone in your immediate family who needs your help? An auspicious opportunity exists for you to offer help to this family member without expecting anything in return. Offering yourself with an attitude of loving compassion and non-attachment from the results (karma yoga) will provide you with some needed reconciliation from past offenses. Do not be concerned about how this family member may judge or criticize you; only offer your loving support with unconditional love, and be open to any positive outcomes that may arise from your selfless service.

You will benefit from improving your diet by reducing sweets and increasing your daily intake of pure water. Consider a more robust, disciplined exercise routine. This will help to cleanse toxins from your system and clear your mind so that you can focus and concentrate better.

Distractions seem to be one of the obstacles to maintaining a pure, clean state of mind. These distracting thoughts and cravings arise from a nexus of unhealthy habits that disturb peace of mind and mental balance. By improving your diet and maintaining an exercise routine, you will notice marked improvements in your ability to concentrate and enjoy a peaceful state of being.

This will further be supported by following the advice and guidance of your spiritual mentors, who have useful and practical wisdom to offer you in terms of specific spiritual practices that align you with your higher self.

Consider seeking the services of a local body worker to whom you feel an affinity. This could be a Shiatsu, Ayurvedic, Acupuncture, or Massage Therapy practitioner. Receiving therapy at least once a month will help you to access a state of mental, physical, and emotional wellness that you will benefit from for many years to come.

You are encouraged to enlist the help of a skilled practitioner of your choice who can answer your specific questions as they arise during the course of your treatment.

The opportunity for a trip to a faraway place will present itself to you through your affiliation with your local spiritual community. You are encouraged to take advantage of the chance to travel with a group of other people who will be aligned around similar values, and who will be prepared to pool their financial and social resources and connections to make this trip more affordable and accessible for everyone.

This trip offers a never-before, once-in-a-lifetime chance to experience aspects of a culture to which you are very attracted and connected, yet have been feeling estranged from. This sense of social disconnectedness and isolation can be transformed through your participation in this journey, which will connect you to people in a way that you otherwise wouldn´t in the course of your daily interactions.

It will be of great benefit to you to muster up the courage to participate more actively in the social events organized by your immediate community. When you are presented with a choice to either stay home or go out and be an active part of a community event, you are encouraged to show up and participate in any way you can.

You have valuable contributions to make that you may have been holding back from expressing due to some kind of self-doubt. As you participate more and more, you will overcome the obstacle of self-limitations and realize the joy of selfless, non-attached service to your community, which has a lot to offer you in return, should you be willing to show up – as you are – with no expectations.

You will be pleasantly surprised by the positive, fulfilling outcomes of your selfless service.

-End of Life Reading-

I wish you blessings of peace, health and happiness. Thank you for writing. —Parama

For business success, be a shining example of your mission and vision

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In this Life Reading, a client asked the following questions: 

I was in an abusive marriage and left my marital home. A few years later I got divorced. My eldest son, who is now an adult, still holds this against me. His anger at me is now causing problems in his own marriage. He and his wife are currently separated.

Is there any chance of them getting back together? I started a travel company a few years ago organizing tours to India, but it is not going well. I feel blocked at every attempt I make to progress. There is always something that comes up to block my success.

Could you give me some guidance, please? I am not employed and have no other source of income, so my life has been very stressful. I do have a very good man in my life; however, I don’t like being a burden to him, and right now, we survive on his income only. It has been difficult!

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading:

  • a large desk
  • sunlight streaming into your room
  • computer equipment
  • a red wall hanging
  • a vacation with your son
  • reorganizing your office space and getting rid of clutter
  • candlelight and fire, especially within a ceremonial context

The block you have been experiencing in your business venture is related to unresolved shame and guilt that is leftover from your previous abusive relationship. You would benefit from taking more time to meditate – Is there a tiger skin rug or some kind of special rug you can spread on the floor for your meditation time?

By meditating more regularly, you will be able to connect with what this “shame” and “guilt” means to you. Be honest with yourself: reflect on how guilt and shame are still operating in your life today, especially in the context of your business. Have you been denying yourself something out of a sense of guilt? Do you feel that you are undeserving? In your meditation, pray and ask for help to clear the energy of guilt and shame from your life.

Give yourself time to feel into where these emotions may be coming from, and recognize the origin. Realize that you do not have to hold onto these negative energies, and you don’t have to be limited by them. Identify the mission and vision of your business. Then, ask yourself, “Am I a living example of the mission and vision of my business?” In other words, are you living your life in a way that would inspire your would-be customers to seek out your services? If not, then enlist the help of a trusted friend to identify ways that you can start to exemplify your company’s mission and vision. This is important for the success of your business.

It seems that you have been feeling a lack of inspiration in your life in general, and dwelling too much on the past, on what could-have-been, or should-have-been. This is blocking your creativity. Use your meditation to work on releasing this blockage, pray and ask for assistance, and affirm that you are free from guilt and shame.

Affirm that you are a living, breathing example of inspiration for your customers! Is there some kind of creative art that you have been reluctant to do, for some reason? Let this creative expression find its way into your business. Feel the inspiration of your own creativity as it enhances and ignites sparks of life and light into your business activity.

You would benefit from a larger workspace – a desk – for spreading out brochures and organizing papers that seem to have become disorganized. You might consider reorganizing your office space and clearing away unnecessary clutter. Toss old papers that you have no use for anymore. It is important for you to keep your private/personal life separate from your work life as much as possible. This means that you should organize and store work-related papers, files, and materials in a separate room from your personal things. This will help you stay focused, keep your mental thoughts clear, and maintain organization.

Keeping your work life separate from your personal life will also help your current relationship: When you are with your partner at home, try not to discuss your business activities. Stay focused on the everyday, ordinary, enjoyable aspects of life at home with your loving partner. Appreciate the “little things” about the life that you share.

Consider entering into a business partnership with a trusted friend who can help you boost your web marketing. A business partner will take pressure off your romantic partner, because you will have someone else to talk to and strategize about your business.

Take your business to the next level with an upgrade in computer equipment. You and your friend will be able to do this together, but alone, you seem to be lacking certain needed skills in the area of online marketing and promotion of your services.

Eat more fresh fruits. You will benefit from letting more sunlight into your home and exposing your skin to sunlight more often. This will energize you and spark your creativity.

Have you been yearning to take a trip somewhere? Invite your son to accompany you on this special trip. Take the time off from work and other obligations to go on this trip, and be sure to spend quality time alone with your son. It seems that he is dealing with unresolved anger towards you because he has not been able to express it to you or anyone else constructively. Be prepared to engage your son in somewhat emotionally trying dialogues about your past and how your decisions affected him when he was young.

Give him all the time he needs to be honest with you, even if his words are painful for you to hear. Be open and honest with him about your own process – Have you had the opportunity to talk with your son about how the abuse affected you when you were married to your previous partner? Take time to explain to your son how you took his safety and wellness into consideration when you decided to divorce your ex-husband.

Be patient with your son; it may take some time for him to forgive you. Do not pressure him with your own expectations or desires for his life. You must be honest with him about how you feel, but he must make his own decisions.

There is a bold, red-colored wall hanging or decoration that you could gift to your son. Ask him to place it somewhere in his home – on the wall or on a table – where he will see it daily. The color red will help him externalize and express his anger appropriately and constructively.

Consider the benefits of candlelight and fire in your life, especially within a ceremonial context. Look to your community for how and where to do this.

-End of reading-

I wish you the best on your life’s journey. Thank you for writing. —Parama

Looking for someone to love? Be the love you seek.

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In this request for a Life Reading, a client asked the following questions: 

  • Will a love relationship form in my life in the near future? I’ve been struggling with dating guys and falling for the wrong one fast.
  • Why do I get so emotionally connected quickly? I’m young, and I like to have fun, but my love life is in a famine.
  • Will I be partnered up soon or stay single for a while longer?

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading: Being with a partner is the opportunity to get to know yourself. It is irrelevant whether you are “partnered up” or not – for we are always, ultimately, simply seeing and knowing ourselves through the reflection of the other people in our lives. That is why the nature of relationships is so transitory – and why we suffer so much in the thrall of trying to maintain, mend, or establish relationships. Because we are busy doing so with an attachment to the result: We are attached to getting something, going somewhere, becoming something more – by means of the relationship.

Sometimes we deceive ourselves, believing that the love we feel in our relationship is “all about the other person” — because the other person is this way, or that way — we can love them. This is an illusion. Love is not about the other person. Being “in love” means that we are in love with the reflection of ourselves within the other person. Try entering into a new relationship without any attachments.

Try simply being present with the other person, recognizing that the other person is always and in every way reflecting back some aspect of yourself. If it is “love” you are seeking, then be “love” for yourself. Be totally in love with yourself! This is the secret to a happy, fulfilling relationship – to be fully satisfied and full within oneself first. It is a certain set-up for future suffering and disappointment to go “looking for love” with and through another person.

All the love we seek lies inside of us, eternally, in each and every moment! There is no seeking, only seeing this to be always the case. Sometimes we discover aspects of ourselves that we don’t find lovable. We’re not proud of these parts of ourselves; we hide from them, and we hide them from other people.

This is where honesty and courage find a home in our hearts – when we discover that we truly want to love all of ourselves, and we find ourselves ready to face those shadow parts, those dragons, those skeletons in the closet. Sometimes those are the things we “fall for” in other people, because what we truly want is to encounter and embrace those parts of ourselves! Thus, we discover the magic, the beauty, and the timeless, irresistible quality of falling in love with another person.

We realize that we love another so that we can learn to love ourselves, to see ourselves, to let ourselves be seen, be held, be loved. There is always something valuable to learn from being “emotionally connected”…. This is our natural, wonderful birthright! Simply recognize your connectedness to be a sacred, holy vessel through which you can connect more deeply and more truly with yourself.

Whether you are falling in or out of love, there are always gifts to be opened, treasured, and stored in our memories. There truly is no loss in love, only the opportunity to love again, more deeply, more fully, with less and less attachment to any desired outcomes. There is no love life to be had “out there”…. There is simply always love – perfect and whole – within yourself, to be reflected and expressed through your relationship with another person.

Let go of your anxiety and attempts to “find” this person, and instead, be the love that you seek, let this love be expressed authentically; and the other person will most certainly show up in your life, simply by virtue of the supernatural force of your own heart bursting forth with love.

-End of reading-

I wish you the best on your life’s journey. Thank you for writing. —Parama

Meditate to refresh, renew and rejuvenate

 

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In this request for a Life Reading, a client asked the following questions: 

How can I motivate myself, find happiness internally, when a part of my mind and soul are shattered from post traumatic stress disorder?

How can I stop treating people horribly, especially the ones I love, when all I ever do lately is see their and my own flaws and lose my temper in a millisecond? I never used to be so bitter and mean!

What are some things I can start doing for myself and/or for those around me to help lift the mood, recognize my own beauty and stop taking my past pain out on others?

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading:

Exhaustion seems to be the primary issue that emerges from your years of past mental health struggles. It is important to rest and renew yourself as much as possible and to sleep long hours, even if this means foregoing other activities.

Rest and rejuvenation are your top priorities at this time. You may need to ask a family member to support you, as you may benefit from time off work. Your irritability is a symptom of mental and emotional exhaustion. Pick a day, clear your schedule, and sleep as much as possible. Sleep through the entire day if you can. Use ear plugs and curtains to block out sound and light from entering your bedroom. Ask a friend or family member to prepare meals for you on this day so that you can stay in bed and rest as much as possible.

A kidney/adrenal gland cleanse will help you release built up toxins from years of prescription meds. Consider juice fasts and/or herbal remedies and teas that support kidney/adrenal health. Ask at your local health food store about this. Avoid sugar, fried food, strong spices, and alcohol.

Consider a new circle of friends for socializing. The social circle that feels most comfortable and familiar to you may be perpetuating and reinforcing several of your self-destructive tendencies and habits – negative thought forms being most primary. Surround yourself with people who help you stay focused on positive thoughts.

To release yourself from the pain of the past, you must refresh and renew your present perspective. The past is over, and you do not need to identify with it. A sprout grows into a tree because it doesn’t stay stuck in its seed form, nor does the tree identify with being a seed. It is simply what it is, and the seed was at one time a natural and necessary part of its evolution into a tree. Your past has helped you grow into who you are. With a simple shift in perspective, you can recognize how your past has empowered you to be who you are in the present. Seen from this perspective, there are no mistakes, just perfect growth opportunities.

Anger is a reaction to beliefs, concepts, and points of view. When you feel anger, allow yourself to feel it while at the same time asking yourself, “Who is feeling angry?” Examine yourself. Ask, “What am I believing? What concept(s) am I buying into? What point of view am I identifying with?” Watch the anger fall away as you examine your motivation. Liberate yourself from the struggle by examining what motivates the anger in the first place, and then recognize that it is not you, just a temporary phenomenon that is moving through you, and you are moved by it. Instead of reacting, you become the ever-present observer. You love yourself so much that you gaze deeply inside your own heart and fully feel what is to be felt without possessing it or manipulating it. Negativity falls away and you are left with truth, authenticity, peace, happiness.

Meditate. A lot. In your solitude, discipline your mind to focus on the flow of your breath, self-empowering, loving thoughts, and do not indulge in self-deprecation. Toss out any violent or frightening movies from your collection. Read spiritually themed books that inspire and motivate you toward positive thoughts and behaviors.

Consider a make-over or remodeling of your living space, specifically, your bedroom. Clear out unnecessary or unwanted clutter – this includes old collections that you’ve held onto for posterity – and lighten up the mood with brighter colors and improved lighting. If you can expose yourself to more sunlight, this will greatly benefit you.

Fast from listening to and watching news for days at a time. Tune into your inward voice instead. Listen to relaxing and uplifting music instead of watching TV or movies. Meditate daily. Find a meditation teacher if you haven’t already. Meditate before going to sleep at night. Release your mind from any patterns of negative thought and re-pattern your neural pathways toward an enlightened consciousness. With awareness and focus, you can do this. Practice daily, especially right before you go to sleep. Practice observing your breath – the inflow and the outflow. You will gain patience and concentration.

Rest, rejuvenate, and refresh your perspective. Watch your world change.

-End of reading-

I wish you the best on your life’s journey. Thank you for writing. —Parama

Forgiveness and generosity lead to financial freedom

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Starting again after years of financial strain, healing can be possible through forgiveness and generosity. E— writes, I wish to know when our financial strain will end.  We have been struggling for 15 years.  My husband was unable to work due to a curse placed on him by a former co-worker.  We believe he’s healed and we are starting again.

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading: You should immediately begin planning for early retirement and relocation to a foreign country where the cost of living is much lower. Your overhead is currently too costly and this will continue to put unnecessary strain on your finances. There is an easier, less stressful option for you and your partner at this time.

Look into foreign investments and limit the support you give to family. Take care of yourselves now so that you can enjoy your retirement together without the stress that you’ve been under for these past years. 

What you think was a “curse” is actually a “karmic rebalancing” from a past life where your husband grievously harmed this individual in such a way that he was left destitute and homeless. In this life, your husband has had to “repay that debt” by experiencing his own financial hardship as a result of the influence of this individual. It is important for your husband to actively seek the forgiveness of this person, to make amends, and to forgive him for any wrongdoing.

To harbor resentment or to hold a grudge will only perpetuate your husband’s suffering in the future. It is better to put an immediate end to this negativity through an act of forgiveness. Start by writing an email, then try to met in person with the intention to make amends and move on with your lives. Everyone will feel much better after this is done.

Your husband might consider donating a portion of his current earnings to a chosen charity with the intention to clear the karmic debt that caused his past financial problems. (Note: I am NOT suggesting that you make any donation to me, as this would clearly be a conflict of interest!)…. When you are ready to make your donation, say a prayer (out loud) or write down a prayer on paper that this offering will serve as redemption for any past wrongdoings. Continue to make these donations regularly (monthly or bi-monthly), in combination with your prayer, until you see noticeable improvements in your financial situation (and you will soon, through your generosity).

Be sure not to let yourself get lonely. Now that your husband is busy with work, you find yourself alone a lot and wishing you had more company. Seek the company of friends and family. Join an activity group or social club in your area. Keep yourself occupied and out of negative habits that could affect your ability to make healthy, wise decisions. Now that you have more financial resources available, you must be careful to use them wisely, not spend extravagantly, and invest properly.

Avoid hasty, impulse spending. Instead, take time to research whatever you are thinking about buying before you buy it. Remember that you have a lot of choices and you don’t have to settle for the first thing that comes your way. You don’t have to be in a rush to spend your money.

A family member (close relative) will be asking you and your husband for money. Avoid giving too much. Explain to this person that you and your husband are now planning for retirement and must focus primarily on this. Encourage this person to be more financially independent. By being a good example of wise financial planning, you will help this family member more than if you just handed over your money.

Tend to your health and future happiness. The stress of these past years has taken undue toll on you. Take exercise classes and learn to meditate. Listen to relaxing music while you soak in a bathtub of hot water. The key is to relax as much as you can in the best way you know how. This will become more important in the coming years, since you will need to support your husband in learning how to relax and unwind too. Be an example for him. It won’t help to have two stressed-out people approaching retirement. You will have to lead the charge on a restful, happy retirement together.

Do not delay in looking into investments in a foreign country of your choice. Talk it over with your husband and take a trip at your next available opportunity. You won’t regret it.

Now is the time to do it: You must invest in your future health, well-being, and happiness together. Forgiveness is paramount now. Forgiveness will unlock the door that has blocked your financial freedom.

-End of reading-

I wish you the best and may God bless you on your life’s journey. Thank you for writing. —Parama

Letting tears flow during life transition

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Seeking answers to questions about living alone, how to proceed on my career path, my true life purpose, how to be of service “in my very best”, K— writes,

  • Although it could seem that I am in a major transition, it is actually more that I am stepping fully in my life purpose, which brings changes around and within me.
  • Living alone for the first time in 3 years, feels perfect.
  • Working two different jobs, in customer service to pay my overhead, and my true mission/purpose as an Intuitive Life Coach, which is very powerful and incredibly helpful to my clients.
  • I would like to know what I need to know to proceed further on my path. Financially it scares me the most, although I feel I am supposed to stay at my place, financially it does not seem possible at this moment. Work wise, the work I do in the outer world, to pay my overhead, seems to become more and more disconnected from my true purpose and the work, which also pays me, that I do with people.
  • Basically…is my apartment my place to stay?
  • How much longer do I need to work in customer service to support my true calling?
  • What I can do, do I need to know, in regards to my spiritual work, to walk this path fully and be of service in my very best? Thank you soulfully.

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading:

Keeping up something that you dislike at the expense of focusing on what you really want to do is like a fish trying to live on land. The fish will never belong and will always feel uncomfortable, because it is not inside its native habitat.

Plant your feet right where you want to be, and do what you want to do without moving around so much. You must find a way to live in a comfortable place close enough to your clients so that they can come to your office location. You will benefit from creating your own personal office for your business as a Life Coach.

There is a mentor (you haven’t met yet) who can deepen and hone your skills in this area, so that once your apprenticeship with this person (a female) is complete, you will be able to offer a unique service that only you, with your talents and training, can offer.

Consider your current location: Would it help you to expand your clientele if you moved closer to a metropolitan area? Where you are based at this time may be restricting for you in terms of growing your business so that it is lucrative. Only give up your “side job” once you have considered relocating your base where you are living and working. Network with friends in this area, as they can help you out.

Customer service, even though it is not your mission, is part of your training as a Life Coach. This job is important, for you are learning important skills in how to relate to and communicate honestly with people who are very different from you. There is still a lot to learn in this area. The customer service job will naturally fall away once you begin to grow your Life Coach business, but first you must complete your apprenticeship.

Your mother will try to strongly influence you not to move or make your career focus be Life Coaching. Her fears and concerns are borne of her own beliefs that a person cannot be successful as a self-employed service provider. She is afraid for your financial stability. Let this be her concern, and listen when she expresses her concern, but do not be influenced by her strong desire to dissuade you from what you know you want to do.

Life Coaching is your great talent and gift, but you lack experience in certain areas that your mentor will be able to provide for you by letting you observe her sessions with clients. You will gain wisdom and understanding of effective techniques and processes.

There is an artistic aspect of your personality that must be expressed in your work with clients. Do not suppress it, thinking that somehow it does not belong or would not be well received. Your artistic ability, though it takes on a form that may be unusual and nonconventional, will be very important in your sessions with clients, and you will find yourself attracting a certain kind of client – people who are all seeking the same thing, struggling with similar issues, and you will notice a theme: Capture this and use it in the name of your business. (Do not just call it “Life Coaching”; create a unique name that captures the essence of what only you can do).

Embrace and be open to the transition that is happening around you, for a move is a likely possibility, and you will need to make some adjustments. Be prepared for a shift in the kinds of friends you keep, and the amount of time you spend with friends. While social time has been a balm for you for many years, you are beginning a new phase in your life where socializing is not as important as authentic connection with a select few who support and inspire your mission work, and who will help you to take it to the next level.

You will, in time, become a nationally known leader and trainer in your specialized kind of life coaching. You have the potential to become a world-renowned teacher/trainer with workshops in many different countries. This is why customer service is so important for you at this time, as you will need to know how to manage a lot of people with a lot of different personalities and requests.

Do not be discouraged by how the demands of your customer service job seem to deny you the ability to offer life coaching to clients. Remember, the customer service job is currently part of your training ground to becoming the best life coach you can be … and what better way than to get paid on-the-job training? This is a blessing for you.

Take some time to express yourself artistically and reconnect with the joy and satisfaction this brings you. Be moved to tears if you have to, because when you start to express yourself authentically through your art, you may find yourself feeling pain from the many years of pent-up pressure of trying so hard to suppress your natural expression.

Letting tears flow will be a healthy and helpful release. Make time to be alone and do this when and as you need to.

Consider a change in your wardrobe and hairstyle, especially the colors you wear. Choose hues of blue more often, and consume foods that are blue and purple (naturally, not artificially).

Be open to connecting with a new circle of friends and acquaintances, as this will be necessary for the growth and maturation of your immensely successful new business.

Tend to the care of animals more often. Do you want a pet or pets at home? This could do you great good, to nurture an animal and be loved unconditionally by animals.

-End of reading-

I wish you the best and may God bless you on your life’s journey. Thank you for writing. —Parama  

Personal health and wellness

opening_the_heart_chakra_by_jslattumd2o1x8d

Seeking guidance about finding my life partner, how to do my spiritual practice, forgiveness, love, and finding a job: V— writes,

  • Why so far have I not been lucky in finding a life partner?
  • Spiritually I am growing all the time but I cannot find it in myself to meditate. Is there a block?
  • All I want to do is meet my life partner in this life and dedicate my life to helping people in whatever form. That’s when I’m at my happiest. I am tired of the corporate life. Am I being wrong in wanting this?
  • I keep getting signs of me needing to open my Heart Chakra, giving and receiving love, forgive…etc. I have been doing as much as I can. What is the best way to do this? Thank you for this opportunity for help. It’s much appreciated.
  • Right now I am jobless. I need a job because I don’t have money right now. Why is it not happening for me? I have 20 years work experience and skills. I have re-located to another city to take care of my Mom who is recovering from surgery. I am finding it difficult to get a job. What do I need to do to change this?

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading:

In a previous life, your partner brutally murdered you by piercing you in the chest with a knife out of revenge and anger. You can release the karmic effects of this trauma by praying and asking God to cleanse and heal these wounds to your subtle emotional body.

This residual trauma has prevented you in this life from being able to receive love when offered to you by a potential partner, for in the past, this brought you to your death. The best way to cleanse away this negative energy is to participate in a ceremony involving fire, whether in the form of a bonfire (with a pile of old shoes?), a sweat lodge, or a small outdoor fire.

A healthy partnership can only come when one can authentically maintain wellness for oneself, independent of the other partner.

Do you honestly feel that you are keeping yourself well, physically and mentally, in your daily life? Is there a substance or a habit that has become addictive and harmful to your health? Are you prepared to address this and make necessary changes so that you can be healthy? Addictions act as a constant distraction from our equanimity and inner peace.

You want to “help others” …. Be sure to help yourself first and feel honestly that you are on the path to getting healthy and free of harmful addiction.

Details about your work situation and finding a job are not relevant to this reading at this time, as your personal health and wellness are of critical importance. Once you address this, then your external circumstances (including your job) will naturally unfold from there.

-End of reading-

I wish you the best and may God bless you on your life’s journey. Thank you for writing. —Parama